26 November 2015

Are You Happy?

I stand in the nearly empty ballroom of the Beverly Wilshire. The GLSEN awards ceremony is over. The Klonopin I took in the bathroom’s worn off. I think I can make it back to my hotel. I only put one in my purse. I have no Xanax. What was I thinking? The crowd’s not nearly as thick, though I know I’m still looking at least another two hours of hand shaking, hugs, fancy people, taxi rides, and smiling. I’ve done well so far. The busboys are clearing the tables where, just thirty minutes ago, Julia Roberts, Jim Parsons, and Justin Timberlake sat and watched my baby deliver a powerful speech.

I make my way to the entrance. The middle-Little stands with the GLSEN student council. They’ve been handing out plaques to the attendees. The plaques have a drawing one of them did, a reminder of why we’ve all gathered together tonight. I think at first my kid is radiating excitement from the movie stars, attention, and award they’ve just received. After a few minutes, I realize the kid’s simply happy to share total inclusion among peers.

The stragglers in the ballroom want to talk to the youth advocates and, surprisingly, me. I receive kudos for being a great mother. I accept the praise while telling each person about my mister back home. One of the Disney bigwigs gushes over my dress from Making It Big. He tells me he couldn’t take his eyes off me earlier as I made my way to my seat at the last minute, how I radiate such beauty, how this dress is absolutely perfect. I accept his praise. He’s in the business of loving kindness just like we are. He knows how to share his compliments just like we do. Isn’t that wonderful, friends?

A couple from the comic book industry gush over the middle-Little. They tell me my kid doesn’t need a cape or a costume. My kid is a super hero every day. My kid is saving the world. I know what it is to overflow with pride. I can feel my joy rippling out onto the streets of Los Angeles. People must wonder why they feel so happy, why they feel so much love. They have no idea that’s coming from a South Georgia mama, standing in this fancy ballroom.

My feet and my head begin to hurt. Even my cheeks hurt from smiling so much which isn’t a bad thing, I guess. You know how it is when you’re done? I mean, no matter what it is you’re doing or experiencing, you’re done? I’m at that moment. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Even I can only hold so much joy, friends. I lean back on whatever’s behind me a little and pretend to listen to the conversation going on next to me. One of my new friends, one of the sweet fellas from my table during the awards ceremony, is talking to someone. They’re looking at me. I smile like I’m into what they’re saying, but I’m not. I’m done.

That’s when I see this gorgeous blonde woman heading directly for me. She’s got the biggest, brightest smile on her face. Her eyes are locked on me. I panic, ’cause I know I know her. I know her. Who the hell is she? She stands right in front of me, inches in front of me. All up in my space. We both have ginormous boobs. She’s invading my boob space. Twelve year old boys throughout the world are suddenly happy and they don’t know why. That’s how close our boobs are.

She hugs me and says, “You’re looking at me like you’re thinking we must have gone to high school together!” And I say, “No, I don’t like most of those chicks.” When she releases me from that hug, she tells me, “It’s okay. I’m an actress on TV, on Criminal Minds. My name’s Kirsten.”

I’m mortified. I can’t believe this famous person has to tell me they’re famous. I say, “I don’t watch much television.” She says, “Me neither. It’s too violent!” Y’all know I don’t have a poker face, right? So, everything I’m thinking is just playing out right here in front of this gracious woman. And that’s when who she is hits me. I say, “Ohmygod! Listen! I’m a writer and for years, some of my readers have told me I look just like-”

She interrupts me and shouts, “You look more like Garcia than I do right now!” And I die. Right there in front of Kirsten Vangsness, I die. She’s laughing and touching my headscarf tied in a nifty bow and stroking my arm and telling me she loves my hair. Kirsten says we should take a picture, so selfies happen. Then, someone takes another photograph on accounta our collective boobage ought to be documented. The power of ample bosoms could knock the earth off its axis.

Now, at this point, I don’t know what’s happened backstage with Julia Roberts and the middle-Little. I don’t mean the part about Julia having a potty mouth. I mean the incredible affirmation she gave my kid. Kirsten near ’bout gives me the same thing when she places her hands on either side of my face and says, ” You. Are. A. Good. Mom.” That’s it. With that great big, mega watt smile, she tells me I’m a good mom and moves on to be with the kids.

Kirsten cuts through my exhaustion, reaches down into my soul parts, and gives me exactly what I need. She doesn’t know my story. She doesn’t know my mama struggles, the cycle I had to break, the worry I carry with me like a child in my now empty womb. Kirsten’s another person who lives in loving kindness, who isn’t afraid to share her love with another human being. I will never, ever forget this moment. I mean, ever.

My new friend, who’s been standing next to me the whole time, puts his arm around me, and says, “Beth, you look happy. Are you happy?” I have no words. Even though my cheeks hurt, I only have that smile.

  • Yvonne Coleman
    Yvonne Coleman

    Oh my gosh! This story is so special! Mamma Beth, you are a good mom! Kristen saw that instantly, so do we! Keep that love and hold tight when those crazies creep up.

    I don’t know how you did it, meeting all those ‘important’ people, shaking all those hands, and keeping it together while your baby mesmerized them all. Such an amazing experience, and you were fantabulous – as always!

  • Heidi Glover
    Heidi Glover

    This story brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. Not sure why, exactly, I’m so weepy over it but I’m grateful that you shared your beautiful story. How heartwarming to know that you both had such an amazing experience.

  • Patsy Johnson Voyles
    Patsy Johnson Voyles

    This blessed me today! I am an AVID watcher of Criminal Minds, and she is fabulous!

  • Lois

    I have no wirds for how much this touched my heart. Thank you.

  • Lenore Garnett
    Lenore Garnett

    Thank you for bringing a smile to my face this morning. Not much smiling going on lately so I am grateful for your story.
    Happy Happy!

  • Bert

    I don’t know this actress, but since she was kind to my friend she’s a superstar.

  • Tina

    I always love reading your posts, but this has got to be a fave. ❤????

  • Connie Ryland
    Connie Ryland

    As a woman with ample boobage myself, I love the way you embrace yours. Lol. She is my favorite TV actress and I’m so glad to hear she is as full of loving kindness as I thought she had to be. Thank you once again for sharing your adventures.

  • Connie Ryland
    Connie Ryland

    As a woman with ample boobage myself, I love the way you embrace yours. Lol. She is my favorite TV actress and I’m so glad to hear she is as full of loving kindness as I thought she had to be. Thank you once again for sharing your adventures.

  • Connie Ryland
    Connie Ryland

    As a woman with ample boobage myself, I love the way you embrace yours. Lol. She is my favorite TV actress and I’m so glad to hear she is as full of loving kindness as I thought she had to be. Thank you once again for sharing your adventures.

  • jennifer franklin
    jennifer franklin

    Love, love, love this story and yall do look alike!!!!

  • Ang

    Penelope Garcia touched a bow I made…I’m dyin’!

  • Dee Morgan
    Dee Morgan

    She was my favorite character on that show!!! I am in awe of you every. Single. Day.

  • Katrina Simmons
    Katrina Simmons

    This has got to be my favorite story from that night so far. I know we always say there is no need for validation from others but it sure is amazeballs when it happens!! Your candle shines so bright the Middle Little glows!! What a strong foundation you have set her wick in. The power of ample bosoms…..that one will stick around for awhile! There should be T-shirts 🙂

  • Kandy Cullers
    Kandy Cullers

    You. Are .A. Fantastic. Person. (and I love you and all of your stories much <3 )

  • Tami

    Beth, Your so beautiful inside and outside! I am so happy for you and Middle-Little that you were able to experience loving kindness from others in LA at such a exceptional event!!! I wish that the world had more people like you and your family! You set such an authentic example for all under so many different circumstances that you’ve shared !with us. I enjoy all your stories, they fill my eyes with tears and my heart with joy! Thank you for sharing your life and your LA adventure! I am so dying to read Middle-Little’s speach!!!

  • Adelaide White
    Adelaide White

    I’m adopting that “boob space” line. Too many times, my family watch me holding one or both aside for a clearer view of something below.

  • Leslie

    First, the boobage is glorious. Seriously.

    Second, what a wonderful person to touch you so lovingly right to the pit of your soul. What a wonderful blessing she is.

  • Vickie Freemsn
    Vickie Freemsn

    What a great story! Love you Both!

  • Lori Reeve
    Lori Reeve

    Thank you. I needed this.

  • Tysh All
    Tysh All

    Your boobage is always magnificent. What strikes me in this photo is your face. You’re radiant.

  • Marti Boundy
    Marti Boundy

    I was lookin’ at the picture noticing the similarities then it hit me…either you need long hair or she needs a few tats! What a great story!

  • Stephanie

    I have loved all your LA stories but I think this one is my favorite!

  • Shelly Runner
    Shelly Runner

    I have tears in my eyes as I’m typing this out. As a mom it is so great to hear that someone else sees how good of a job you have done with raising your babies. We can think we’ve done a good job but to hear it from someone else’s lips is always appreciated. And you’ve done an amazing job!

  • Shannon Scott
    Shannon Scott

    what an amazing look inside your experience ❤️❤️❤️ Just confirms the saying….. What the world needs now is love!!!!! Thanks for spreading the love ????

  • Pool Garden Pam
    Pool Garden Pam

    I am so happy for you Beth !!You are a good mom and always know that and when you start to forget and we all do at times all you have to do is look at your fantastic kids ! Miss you !

  • Sabrina L. Rouse
    Sabrina L. Rouse

    This statement was so profound to me. Very well put Ma’am, very well put. “After a few minutes, I realize the kid’s simply happy to share total inclusion among peers.”

  • Vicki White-Lawrence
    Vicki White-Lawrence

    Love your stories and how you tell them! So glad you had a great time too!

  • Lauri

    You are such a good example for all of us who deal with our own craziness every day. You are an awesome example for all of us moms too. Your writing pulls so many of us in and just makes us feel like we are being wrapped in a huge hug. The stories from this trip with your daughter are just amazing, what a trip of a lifetime. To meet the people you met, and to be on the same page as each and everyone of them is out of this world. Opening minds, hearts and hearing what people have to say seems so rare these days. I couldn’t be more proud to babble on about this amazing author I found online to all of my peeps. It’s you Beth, it’s all you! <3 LOVE FROM THE PACIFIC NORTH WEST! Girl if you ever come to Seattle, I would love to show you around!!!!! XOXOOOXOXOXOXO

  • becky cason
    becky cason

    U do look like her.When I first saw the picture I thought it was u and your oldest daughter

  • dee webb
    dee webb

    i don’t know why but i have tears in my eyes!!

  • Kelly Roberts
    Kelly Roberts

    I just love the smile! You are such an inspiration! Through all of the struggles and strife of the crazies, you and the mister have managed to loan the world three lovely young women who will, without a doubt, change this crazy old world into something good! Congrats, Mama, you did great!!!

  • Mindy Laesser
    Mindy Laesser

    Love this story… two of my favorite ladies! 🙂


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Copyright 2017 by Beth Hallman. All rights reserved.

Posted November 26, 2015 by Beth in category "Beth Hallman 101

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